You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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