Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
