I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
