Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
