I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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