i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize