mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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