By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
