dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
