I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize