I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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