just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
