I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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