She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
