Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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