that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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