There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
