It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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