also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my shit smells like andre
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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