Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
