ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
