Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
