Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
