She is in my trunk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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