i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
