she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
