so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
