He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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