i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
