I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
