theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
