and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
