She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
