Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
