laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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