So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize