I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
