chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
try to milk me bitch
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