This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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