So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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