Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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