this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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