Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
