I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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