lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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