escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
