you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
