There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
