Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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