he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
