Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
