Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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