have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
