Got a toothbrush?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
