There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
