I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
