if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize