Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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