i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
