Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
