Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Who died my cat blue again?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
