just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize