i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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