Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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