The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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