so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
