there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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