Having a random hookup so left but love u
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
