The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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